I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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