Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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