My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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