I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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