Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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