You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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