I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize