Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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