it hurts more in the daytime
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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