I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize