I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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