So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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