Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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