My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize