I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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