Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize