I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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