Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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