so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize