i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
