First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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