My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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