1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize