She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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