I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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