Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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