Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize