I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize