Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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