Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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