Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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