He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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