Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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