if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
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He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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