He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its liver damage thursday
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