that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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