when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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