3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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