I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize