The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize