She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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