i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize