Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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