We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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