FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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