We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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