i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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