Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You took a bar mat shot.
I will be naked everywhere
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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