you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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