hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if only i could text you this smell
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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